do I love him?
by 234spark
Summary: zuko is having problems with his dad, and other problems as well. Aang has been there from the very beginning. They are dating, but zuko isn't sure if he loves aang, modern AU, OOC, full summary inside


Summary: Have you ever felt like you've only been with a person for a long time just because they're just there for you when you need them? Zuko did. He cared for Aang, very much, but he wasn't sure if he loved him. I mean Aang is there for him when his depression/anxiety are starting to act up. Is there when Zuko is having major issues with his father. He is there for almost everything. Despite everything Zuko is going through he's still there, and will be there even when Zuko can't fight his insanity anymore... modern AU, OOC Zuko, Aang topping. Maybe OOC aang. Probably depending on  
your perspective.

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(A/N: sorry if the summary doesn't make sense! it'll probably be in Zuko's POV most of the time, still thinking about it)

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Chapter 1: The first of many

I wish I could tell him how I feel, buts it's just too hard, why is it never easy to say how you feel? I mean what's so hard saying 'Aang I don't love you, I deeply care about you, but I can't get myself to love you' But I can't do it, I can't hurt him, not after what his ex did, dumped him so they could be with Aang's best friend, he didn't have the heart to tell him that, not after what katara did, it crushed Aang so much, so I bared the burden that I didn't feel the same way as Aang did for me, "I hate my life," I said out loud, with that said I thought heard my mother and father arguing again, "WHAT ARE YOU SAYING? THAT YOU THINK ZUKO IS NOT YOUR SON!" I heard my mom say, it's sickening they always fight over the same thing, "I KNOW THAT FOR A FACT, THAT SON OF YOURS AIN'T MINE! I KNOW YOU CHEATED ON ME WHEN THAT BASTARD SON OF YOURS WAS CONCEIVED!" my so-called dad said, then I heard my mom say "Ozai, I never cheated on you, please stop denying him, he looks like you, he looks like our daughter, he's YOUR SON!" then i went down stairs, "dad, why do you keep saying I'm not your son?" he just looked at my like i was insane, "you actually believe that YOUR my SON!? BAHAHAHA! how deluded are you? to think i actually thought you as my own." that's when the tears started to flow, "i hate you, I WISH YOU NEVER MET MY MOTHER!" I started to walk out of the house, I started to text Aang 'plz come get me im walking toward ur house :('  
I was walking to Aang's house. After awhile I felt my phone vibrate 'on my way' the text said, 'kay', I thought about what was going on with my family while I was waiting for Aang to pick me up, it was soo messed up, I mean we were a happy family. My mom and dad would always smile and laugh at each other. I mean ozai used to hug and kiss my mom and used to call me his little champ, but that all changed when ozai discovered selling weed and drinking alcohol and bought a new car. He even kicked my mom, azula and I out, so he could fuck girls whenever he wanted. One time when he was drinking he came over to the house my mom and sister moved into.

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(flashback)

He just barged in and started to yell at my mom calling her a whore, a bitch, then he started to go closer. My mom tried to push him back, but he was to strong for my fragile mom. Ozai started to push her, and he was starting to get violent when my mom was fighting back. I wanted to help her, but I heard a small voice "zuzu? what's going on? why are mommy and daddy being mean to each udder" I heard my baby sister say, "uh, 'zula just go in the room and lock the door. don't listen to any noises you hear, kay? no matter what stay inside the room" she nodded her little head. i stood in the hallway waiting for the door to close and hear the lock click. It came a little after, then I made my move for my dad.  
"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING! GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM HER!" i was walking toward him, then I pulled him by his shirt and dragged him away from my mom. When I pushed him or dragged him away I pushed him to the floor and looked at my mom. She was bleeding from her nose, also I could see a shiner forming and a busted lip. That's when i lost it, I lunged at him. I was punching his face saying "I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU! HOW DARE YOU LAY A HAND ON MY MOM! YOU ARE DEAD!" that's when he grabbed a lit up lamp and shoved it near my eye. The pained burned badly, he got up and pushed me up a wall and said "you worthless piece of shit! you little punk, you will learn your place in this house," I spat at his face, "like hell you will ever live here!" that's when the cops burst through the door, "we relieved a call regarding domestic violence and disturbing of peace." They looked around and saw my bloody and bruised mom and saw my burnt eye and the surrounding flesh that was all red and moist. The cops reacted very quickly when they saw me, "look's like your going to jail for abuse.'' they took my dad to the truck and drove off.  
The last thing i heard from them was "look's like your going to jail for abuse and trafficking, your caught."

(end flashback)

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that was the last time i saw my dad, but that was two years ago, now he was out of jail. He lived with us for six months now, it was hell at the house. My thoughts were interrupted when i saw a familiar black Malibu honking, signaling my ride is here, I smiled and got in. "So... tell me what happened?" he caressed my cheek when he said that. i told him what happened, I was finished when we reached his house, but I was in tears. Suddenly I felt strong arms around me, but I didn't respond I just sat there shocked. I can't tell him it was just so heartless, so i just touched my scar and said 'i don't know why your with me. i'm ugly, worthless, stupid, horrible. I even have the scar to prove it. i don't get why you put up-" I was cut off due to aang's lips on mine., "don't you EVER say that about youself! your beautiful, worth more than any precious rare diamond in the world, smart, and enchanting. the scar improves everything about you. it reminds me that your strong, and are willing to to anything for his family. So DON'T ever say anything bad about yourself! okay?" i looked at him in utter disbelief, but smiled "i'll try" with that settled we went into his house, when we went in I was expecting it to be empty considering his father, Gyatso, was working, but instead it was a full-blown party. To tell you the truth I don't do well when it comes to big crowds in a tightly knit space. When we walked in, I felt my breath and heart quicken and my body heating up, suddenly I felt to crowded...

soo... tell me what you think... no flames please? review? or.. PM?


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